Holy shit, dude! The color drained from your face faster than my paycheck on a Friday. Your brain, trained by years of living on the edge of the crime beat, automatically completed the sentence with the worst imaginable scenario: “…caught in a massive shootout ,” or worse, “…caught in total control of a city . ”

That incomplete ” See more ” was the gateway to the hell of speculation. Millions of Mexicans clicked on that damned link, hearts pounding, morbid curiosity and terror locked in a fierce battle in our minds. We wanted to know, but at the same time, we were absolutely terrified of stumbling upon the graphic images, the news that would ruin our week.

We, the ones who aren’t afraid of the devil or information overload, DO take the bait. We swallow the lump in our throats, get our tissues ready (or a double shot of tequila for courage), and risk facing the harsh reality head-on. Go for it, man! What we found behind that link has us jaw-dropping and on the edge of our seats, brothers! This is denser than a Netflix narco-series in prime time!

[URGENT REPORT / FROM THE EPICENTER OF CHAOS]

What’s up, my dear friends from Mexico City, the north, the coast, Guadalajara, and all of this magical, surreal, and sometimes painfully violent Mexico!

Prepare yourselves for the truth behind the most shocking clickbait of the year. It wasn’t a rumor. It wasn’t fake news invented by some bot on Twitter. The full phrase, the one that almost made you call your mom sobbing uncontrollably, thinking World War III had already broken out (but a Mexican version), is this nuclear bombshell of national betrayal and crossfire that shook the very foundations of federal power:

“TREASON AGAINST THE NATION AND NATIONAL MOURNING! NEW ORDER FROM ‘MENCHO’ SHAKES THE ARMY! IT IS CONFIRMED THAT THE WIFE OF THE CJNG LEADER WAS CAUGHT HAVING A HIGH-LEVEL MEETING WITH FINANCIAL OPERATORS AND HITMEN, PLOTTING THEIR NEXT BINATIONAL COUP! SOLDIERS FIGHT TO THE LAST ROUND AND REPORT A BINATIONAL MASSACRE!”

TAKE IT, BEARDED ONE! Stop everything! Nobody died (thank God, since the soldiers were wearing their helmets properly), what died was the little peace we had left! They captured the Boss of Bosses!

CHRONICLE OF A HELL FORETOLD: FROM GOSSIP TO A SHOT

Look, guys, don’t get me wrong. It’s great that there were no casualties among our troops. It’s great that those unsung heroes didn’t meet their end on the highway. But, seriously! Did we really need that headline to make our hearts leap into our throats—it was so worthy of a state funeral or one of those narco-series that traumatizes you?

There we all were, imagining sirens, ambulances, families weeping, hearses on Reforma Avenue adorned with white carnations… and it turns out the drama was just a high-impact tantrum by the drug lords. It’s a geopolitical tragedy, not a massacre… this time !

This, my dear compatriots, is the dark art of modern social media journalism: “digital sensationalism” taken to its most cynical and effective extreme. They play on our deepest feelings, on our ancestral fears of losing our protective figures (or of the country going to hell while we’re enjoying two-for-one suadero tacos). They know that tragedy sells in Mexico, and they exploit that morbid fascination to earn a dirty click, even if it comes at the cost of our blood pressure, our peace of mind, and our gastritis. They’re geniuses of evil and sons of bitches, I swear!

SOCIAL MEDIA EXPLODES: #LADYJEFA AND #LORDMENCHO ARE BORN IN A HEART-STOPPING DAY

Right now, the internet is a madhouse of mixed emotions, and chaos reigns. On one hand, there’s a massive wave of collective relief that’s practically creating a microclimate in Mexico City. Phew, what a freaking scare, guys! Thank goodness it wasn’t real. Thank God and Saint Jude Thaddeus that it was just a massive mobilization, a huge scare, and not an actual wake. I can breathe again! I was already preparing for national mourning and wondering if there would be soccer on Sunday.

But on the other hand… HOW WRONG THOSE WHO WROTE THAT ARE! THEY WENT TOO FAR, THEY WENT TOO FAR, EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE! Playing with the fear of a country that has suffered so much like that… it’s unforgivable, not even by God or the Virgin Mary.

The memes came pouring in, and they’re popping up faster than the craving for a taco after a night of drinking. People are posting pictures of themselves making clown faces for falling for the oldest and most obvious trap in the book. Others are uploading videos cursing out the article’s editor with colorful and colorful language worthy of a street vendor in La Merced or a Televisa telenovela finale. The hashtags #LadyJefa and #LordMencho are already the number one trending topic in the country, surpassing politics, soccer, and even the latest gossip.

“I was already praying the rosary, I had already said goodbye to my grandmother just in case, I was already planning my national mourning, and it turns out it was a huge scare. You can’t play with my feelings like that, I’m going to get diabetes from the fright! I demand compensation in tacos al pastor immediately!” wrote an outraged user on Twitter (now X), summarizing the feelings of the entire nation, deceived, furious, but hungry.

FINAL THOUGHT: WE DON’T BELIEVE A WORD THEY SAY ANYMORE, BUT WE KEEP FOLLOWING THEM LIKE ADDICTS!

Guys, this notification has taught us a painful and true life lesson that we’ll surely forget by tomorrow morning. We got tricked again, this time on a grand scale. We fell head over heels for the ” See more ” trap , like little kids with a poisoned candy outside the school.

This headline was a slap of reality about how we consume news today. We’re held hostage by fear, morbid curiosity, and the urgent need to know everything before anyone else so we can be the first to send it to our family or work group chat, even if it’s a lie or an exaggeration worthy of a 90s narco-series.

But let’s be honest, folks, straight to the point. Tomorrow, when another headline pops up, just as sensationalist, just as algorithmically edited, with the same three dots and the same promise of imminent tragedy… what are we going to do? Exactly. We’re going to click on it again with the same excitement and fear. Because we’re Mexicans, and gossip, a scare, adrenaline, and crime stories are our daily fuel. We can’t live without drama, even if it’s invented by a sly editor hungry for clicks.

For now, let’s save the bread roll for the real scare that hopefully won’t come soon, let’s take care of our hearts because the media and the drug cartels are crazy, and let’s go get a sawdust quesadilla… I mean, a real cheese quesadilla for breakfast and laugh for a while at our own national news nonsense.