STOP YOUR PRESSES, MY PEOPLE! LET GO OF YOUR BALL FOR SCARE AND HOLD ON WHEREVER YOU CAN BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THE NEWS THAT IS SHAKING THE ENTIRE CONTINENT JUST EXPLODED JUST A FEW MOMENTS AGO AND HAS US ALL WITH JESUS IN OUR MOUTHS!
EXPLOSIVE TITLE: THE SILENCE WAS BROKEN AND THE DEVIL LET GO! STOP YOUR PRESSES: JUST 5 MINUTES AGO THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED AND WE HAVE THE IMAGE THAT IS HEART ATTACKING THE ENTIRE CONTINENT. DON’T SUCK, THIS IS BASTARD!
IMPACT SUBTITLE: Did you think you’d already seen it all in this crazy world? Sit well and have a double tequila for the impact! That notification that just vibrated on your cell phone with the legend “LATEST NEWS Just 5 minutes ago…” is not just any clickbait. It is the prelude to absolute chaos. The “…See more” that has you biting your nails hides the best kept secret that has just exploded in the face of power. We tell you the net of the planet, to Chile and without censorship, what is happening in real time.
BY: EL “TUNDEMÁQUINAS” RAMÍREZ /INTERNATIONAL RED CHRONICLE FROM DF.
What a joke, gossipy and well-informed band! If five minutes ago you felt that the internet got slow, that WhatsApp got stuck and that a strange vibe ran through the air, you weren’t crazy. It was the collective impact of millions of people receiving THE image at the same time.
That image you see there, with the red urgency seal, is proof that time stopped. Exactly five minutes ago, the world as we knew it took a 180 degree turn.
We all saw the notification. Locked screen, flashing light, and that text that chills your blood: “LATEST NEWS Just 5 minutes ago…See more”. What can happen in five minutes? It can change history, my race. An empire may fall or a war may begin.
And uncertainty kills you, right? That damn “See more” is like the door to a haunted house that you know you shouldn’t open, but there you go nosy. Well, hold on, because his napkin, Tundemáquinas Ramírez, went into the information kitchen, stirring up sky, sea and land in these few minutes, and what we found is stronger than a soap opera slap.
CHRONICLE OF AN ANNOUNCED BRAG: THE MINUTE BY MINUTE OF TERROR
To understand the magnitude of that photo in front of you, you have to turn the clock back.
10 MINUTES AGO: Everything was in a cool calm, the kind that’s scary. The rumors on social networks (in “Feis” and “X”) were calm. But those who know about this, those who have ears in the basements of power, reported an unusual silence on high-security radio frequencies. Something was simmering.
7 MINUTES AGO: Reports of strange movements began. A convoy of armored trucks, the kind that look like urban war tanks, leaving at full speed from a nerve center that we all know (we won’t name names so as not to add fuel to the fire, but you know where political beans are cooked). The turrets off, but the engines roaring. They were burning tires, buddy.
5 MINUTES AGO (ZERO HOUR): BOOM! It leaked. The image that accompanies this note reached newsrooms and phones around the world.
What do we see? Don’t be a duck, analyze it carefully!
It is a grainy image, taken with a trembling cell phone, probably by someone who was risking his skin when recording it. Shows chaos. Show desperation. It is not a photo posed for Instagram. It is the raw and harsh reality.
Figures are seen running. People in suits, the kind who never sweat, now running as if the chamuco himself were chasing them. You can see suitcases. Not travel backpacks, those suitcases that can fit a corpse or millions of dollars in cash!
And deep down… what is that? Is it the ramp of a private plane with the engines running? Is it the entrance to a secret bunker that has just been breached? The lighting is terrible, but the message is clear as day: SOMEONE VERY HEAVY IS RUNNING AWAY WITH HIS TAIL BETWEEN HIS PAWS.
THE TRUTH BEHIND THE “…SEE MORE”: THE ASTERISK WAS FROWNED UPON BY THE POWERFUL!
So what happened 5 minutes ago that caused this stampede?
The information that reaches us in dribs and drabs, confirmed by sources who prefer to remain anonymous for fear that the “will commit suicide, is that THE PACT OF SILENCE WAS BROKEN.
5 minutes ago, an elite group, tired of so many nonsense, decided to fly the flag. They took control of a strategic point and released the information they had kept under lock and key.
That image is not of a celebration. It’s panic! It is the exact moment in which the leadership realized that they no longer have control, that the people and a part of their own forces came upon them.
It is the “every man for himself” of those who felt untouchable.
There is talk of internal betrayals, of agreements with foreign powers that went wrong, of a base that said “It was already soft!”. The big deal was made, gentlemen. The myth is real.
AND NOW WHAT’S NEXT? DON’T TAKE OFF!
My people, we are watching history live. That photo of “5 minutes ago” is already old as I write this, because the situation changes second by second.
Did they manage to escape? Did they intercept them? What did they bring in those suitcases? Who took the photo?
The internet is about to collapse. Conspiracy theories are all they give. But here, in your trusted source, we are not going to brown the pill for you.
What follows is going to be ant-colored. Information blackouts are expected, they are expected to try to erase that image from the face of the earth. That’s why share it! Let everyone see how they run when they run out!
Keep your cell phones charged and your eyes wide open. Don’t swallow the official versions that are going to try to calm the waters. The truth has already escaped and is running through the networks like wildfire.
This, my supporters, is just beginning. The night is going to be long and the surprises are not going to stop. We will continue to report at the foot of the canyon, even if the sky falls! Change and out, race!
